Post by Drae on Apr 9, 2014 20:54:08 GMT
Uniqueness & You: A Case Study
Drae here. In my effort to create a better, more sanity-preserving RP environment anywhere I go, I’m going to a Public Service Announcement on how to (mostly how NOT to) create a unique, interesting character.
Transcription of Annafox’s TRP
[Annafox is a WoW Character whose history and description I discovered using the AddOn “TotalRP 2.” All information here is taken exactly as it is from the screen captures I have of her profile.]
——————===IC Look===————
1: head
-Eye: Glowing silver
Drae: A single eye? Hue.
Note that glowing silver is not abnormal for Night Elves. Having an eye color like this in any other case, I’ll laugh at you and be like HER EYES ARE -WHAT!?-
Please stick to realistic eye colors and patterns. Your irises are not made of the finest marble. They are one, semi-solid color. Flecks are not present, and if they are, they don’t contrast heavily.
Realize that heterochromia (two different colored eyes) comes with a heap of vision deficiencies. If you don’t include them, don’t include heterochromia.
-Hair: Dark pink/purple
D: Again, normal for Night Elves. Ridiculous on anyone else.
-Face: baby like face
D: I’m not sure if I should be disturbed or laugh. “Child-like” with modifiers like “round eyes” would be a better description, here.
2: upper body
-Chest: more cervyer then a normal night elf but not enough to be unrealistice.
D: Atrocities against the English language aside, this is actually not terrible, it’s just not worded well. A better way to say this would be something like “Annafox has quite the rack —“
Only joking.
“Her body has some noticeable curves to it, not at all unpleasant.” might be better, but if you’re going into detail about your character’s tits, stop and consider your life choices for a moment.
-arms: a little more pumped then the normal night elf.
D: Again, poor wording.
Something like “Annafox’s arms are slightly more toned than some of her kind.” might be better.
3: Lower body
-Legs: just like her arms her legs are the same.
D: So, this tells us that Annafox is indeed a four-armed monster who lacks legs and wears gloves on her “feet” that are probably actually hands.
Jebus crust.
“Just like her arms, her legs have more definition to the muscle than other women.” might be better.
-butt: rounder butt then normal.
D: …Again, if you’re going into sexual characteristics, you gotta ask yourself “Does this add anything to the character?” I mean, if they’ve got a ghetto booty, bring that up when it’s appropriate.
4: mic.
D: I hope she means “Misc” and not Mic. Who wants to hear this person over a speaker?
-skin: Soft and smooth reguardless of how strong she is her skin was always what devides herself as a woman.
D: This is actually not a bad trait, since it can easily demonstrate that despite her hard exterior she tends to her body and has some femininity. Well done, Annafox. You have something that doesn’t completely suck.
-wounds: she has a little scaring on and around her neck like a burn mark.
D: If you can link this to a traumatic event that actually affects how they live their life, then well done — You’ve created a character with a dark past.
There’ll be more on Dark Pasts and Edginess & You when we get to another case study.
-Aura: none good or pure only darkness.
D: WELL. That’s spooky. Why’s it like that? How’d it get like that? Again, could be interesting. However, a COMPLETELY DARK aura is a pretty sure sign that they went overboard with the Edge Factor. Don’t be Shadow NightMoon Nocturne Black.
(Shadow NightMoon Nocturne Black™ Drae 2014 Original Character do not steal)
5: addatude
D: 2 + 2 = bitch
-Voice: soft and sweet like candy but holds an adult tone in her voice still.
D: I’ve never heard candy speak, so I have no idea what in blazes you’re talking about. However, I do know that a soft voice is definitely a very real trait. So good job on not sucking again, dear! You’re getting there…
No. No, you’re really not. It only gets worse.
I’m going to leave out the rest of the description because it’s:
a) Not as bad as this part
b) It also lacks any notable description that says anything other than what amounts to “animal form w/ some tacky jewelry.”
History:
Time Encasement (D: What?) is what happend to her when a warlock tryed to capture and enslave her with a fel collar (D: Oh, we’re into bondage, now?) when she was found by a powerful magi and set free the magi Died and pulled the darkness and tainted fel aura and magic into the druids body pulling her into a time lock from then on she was suck as a cat form (D: Suck as a cat form. Read that. Twice. Laugh. Did it? Good.) as time passed it seems like nothing changed until the illness was fixed this also provented her from thinking anything more then basic thoughts like hunting, fear, food, breathing common things like those but not anything more than those.
D: Holy. Fucking. Run on sentence. And your conventions need work, hon.
Please, for the love of GOD. If you’re going to type ANYTHING, at least make sure it’s spell-and-grammar checked.
(shudders.)
Okay. So all we know is that she got stuck as a cat form, which is somehow related to the fact that she’s stuck in time. Now, this type of thing is all about execution. Being stuck in time has some interesting implications. Since I know nothing about how she RP’d that, I can’t tell you. All I can gather is that there is a VERY convoluted reason that she’s stuck in cat form.
———before the time encasement———
Anna Moonclaw started in Darnassus she then moved on to being a druid in Moonglade. She then trained with many druids into the right path in her life soon she found that fighting in general was both a need and wast of time, she studyed in many forms of knowledge such as languages, battle plans, spells, and many many more (D: Many many more WHAT?) she learned all kinds of differnt tongues such as Ursine, Ravenspeech, Taur-ahe, Troll, Nazja, Draenei, Dwarven, Nerglish, Eredun, Gnomish, Orcish and Goblin in order to be able to talk to other people not linked with common tongues she studyed the art of being a peace keeper type druid. She was enlisted to be a possable Druid to be sent through the darkgate but she went missing soon after.
D: Again. Jesus run-on-sentence christ. Notable flaw here being that she learned about thirty bajillion languages. Let’s not do that. If you’re that talented, you probably aren’t that good at much else because you’re presumably dumping all your time into learning languages.
===After the time encasement===
D: Well, apparently she got out of it. I didn’t know that since NOTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TELL ME THAT YOU IGNORANT F—-“
I’m calm. How did she get out of it? Did she have help? Did the enchantment expire like old milk?
Many months passed as Illidan Stormrage was killed and then the Lich King rised up and then fallen and alass deathwing rampaged the lands destorying more life around the world then any greater evil could this all happend that Anna never knew when she found out that her friends, family, and life was riped apart to nothingness soon she went to depression and even suicidal but all that passed with the help of new friends she soon went back to moonglade and became the peace keeper she trained for as Ambassador of Moonglade were she is sent to aid those who need and form peace to unknowen kinds of tribes with many numbers of out comes anna still trains and learns but alone as she has no teacher or trainner to take her at this time.
D: You really love run-on sentences, doncha?
This is essentially “bonus” material, since it’s one of the finest examples of bad conventions I have ever seen.
Rised up and then fallen.
Anyways.
Basically she loses her shit and then gets it back together (because she just got over her depression magically with the power of friendship) and then became what appears to be a high-ranking official.
EDGINESS AND YOU
Up until this point, I haven’t spoken on “dark” characters.
People like dark characters. Morally gray, careless badasses who just want to see everything play out for their own end.
However, there’s a pretty easy way to do it WRONG. Let’s look at Amontoney, the Death Shade.
—The document is cut off above this point.—
mask or a hood to cover his scar. He rarely shows much emotion, but when he does his smile is quite disarming. He has a subtle, Midnight black goatee and eyebrows, his hair also Midnight black with strands of frosty white along with it. His hair flows down to his back and is very well shaped. Amons eyes are white and glowing very slightly, until he becomes inraged, his gental eyes turn to visciouse red smoking hue.
D: Cool scars, man. They show just how edgy you are. This is not to say that all scars are bad. But scars that aren’t visibly ugly and are just “cool” are generally out of place.
Why do his eyes glow and smoke when he gets mad? Do his eyes heat up and his tears boil as he rages? The real problem here is the color change. What causes it? Why does it work? Does it interfere with his vision?
Amons armor is made of mainly plate and bones. Thin spikey icicles hang from his armor with unholy energy in main spots like on his pauldrons. His guantlet drip of blood rune energy and smoke of Unholy energy.
D: Booooones. Cool. By “cool” i mean “do you have any idea that bones splinter like crazy and would make terrible armor you imbecile?” In addition to COOL SPIKES and COOL GLOWS he’s got DRIPPING BLOOD and SMOKE from his gloves.
You will usually see him around Goldshire. Other areas he stays are secret and forbidon to be told. He will never be seend drinking, and most importaintly, Amon is ALWAYS on his gaurd.”
D: ImporTAINT.
He hangs out with all the other cool edgy kids who murder for pleasure and drink blood out of cocktail glasses in secret locations. Mostly the Dark Shrine of Doom and Despair, probably. He’s always on his guard. You sneak up on this motherf- when he’s sleeping and he grabs your skull and crushes it between his fingers.
Always is a strong modifier like that.
What I want everyone take away from this is that if you're going to be edgy, it's almost always more about personality.
However, it's very easy to do edgy personality wrong. Are they just a dick? Do they tend to make close friends slowly, or not at all? Do they want close friends? Are they going to play people to get what they want, or are they willing to make permanent allies or even help enemies in the name of their goals? What are their goals? Revenge? Lust for money and power? Search for a challenge?
In what ways do they go beyond what is accepted? Do they embrace dark and fell magics? Do they fight dirty, only preying on the weak? Or do they use the law to their advantage, to steal and cheat others without doing something they can be stopped for?
In short, think before you write. It'll save us all a headache.
Drae here. In my effort to create a better, more sanity-preserving RP environment anywhere I go, I’m going to a Public Service Announcement on how to (mostly how NOT to) create a unique, interesting character.
Transcription of Annafox’s TRP
[Annafox is a WoW Character whose history and description I discovered using the AddOn “TotalRP 2.” All information here is taken exactly as it is from the screen captures I have of her profile.]
——————===IC Look===————
1: head
-Eye: Glowing silver
Drae: A single eye? Hue.
Note that glowing silver is not abnormal for Night Elves. Having an eye color like this in any other case, I’ll laugh at you and be like HER EYES ARE -WHAT!?-
Please stick to realistic eye colors and patterns. Your irises are not made of the finest marble. They are one, semi-solid color. Flecks are not present, and if they are, they don’t contrast heavily.
Realize that heterochromia (two different colored eyes) comes with a heap of vision deficiencies. If you don’t include them, don’t include heterochromia.
-Hair: Dark pink/purple
D: Again, normal for Night Elves. Ridiculous on anyone else.
-Face: baby like face
D: I’m not sure if I should be disturbed or laugh. “Child-like” with modifiers like “round eyes” would be a better description, here.
2: upper body
-Chest: more cervyer then a normal night elf but not enough to be unrealistice.
D: Atrocities against the English language aside, this is actually not terrible, it’s just not worded well. A better way to say this would be something like “Annafox has quite the rack —“
Only joking.
“Her body has some noticeable curves to it, not at all unpleasant.” might be better, but if you’re going into detail about your character’s tits, stop and consider your life choices for a moment.
-arms: a little more pumped then the normal night elf.
D: Again, poor wording.
Something like “Annafox’s arms are slightly more toned than some of her kind.” might be better.
3: Lower body
-Legs: just like her arms her legs are the same.
D: So, this tells us that Annafox is indeed a four-armed monster who lacks legs and wears gloves on her “feet” that are probably actually hands.
Jebus crust.
“Just like her arms, her legs have more definition to the muscle than other women.” might be better.
-butt: rounder butt then normal.
D: …Again, if you’re going into sexual characteristics, you gotta ask yourself “Does this add anything to the character?” I mean, if they’ve got a ghetto booty, bring that up when it’s appropriate.
4: mic.
D: I hope she means “Misc” and not Mic. Who wants to hear this person over a speaker?
-skin: Soft and smooth reguardless of how strong she is her skin was always what devides herself as a woman.
D: This is actually not a bad trait, since it can easily demonstrate that despite her hard exterior she tends to her body and has some femininity. Well done, Annafox. You have something that doesn’t completely suck.
-wounds: she has a little scaring on and around her neck like a burn mark.
D: If you can link this to a traumatic event that actually affects how they live their life, then well done — You’ve created a character with a dark past.
There’ll be more on Dark Pasts and Edginess & You when we get to another case study.
-Aura: none good or pure only darkness.
D: WELL. That’s spooky. Why’s it like that? How’d it get like that? Again, could be interesting. However, a COMPLETELY DARK aura is a pretty sure sign that they went overboard with the Edge Factor. Don’t be Shadow NightMoon Nocturne Black.
(Shadow NightMoon Nocturne Black™ Drae 2014 Original Character do not steal)
5: addatude
D: 2 + 2 = bitch
-Voice: soft and sweet like candy but holds an adult tone in her voice still.
D: I’ve never heard candy speak, so I have no idea what in blazes you’re talking about. However, I do know that a soft voice is definitely a very real trait. So good job on not sucking again, dear! You’re getting there…
No. No, you’re really not. It only gets worse.
I’m going to leave out the rest of the description because it’s:
a) Not as bad as this part
b) It also lacks any notable description that says anything other than what amounts to “animal form w/ some tacky jewelry.”
History:
Time Encasement (D: What?) is what happend to her when a warlock tryed to capture and enslave her with a fel collar (D: Oh, we’re into bondage, now?) when she was found by a powerful magi and set free the magi Died and pulled the darkness and tainted fel aura and magic into the druids body pulling her into a time lock from then on she was suck as a cat form (D: Suck as a cat form. Read that. Twice. Laugh. Did it? Good.) as time passed it seems like nothing changed until the illness was fixed this also provented her from thinking anything more then basic thoughts like hunting, fear, food, breathing common things like those but not anything more than those.
D: Holy. Fucking. Run on sentence. And your conventions need work, hon.
Please, for the love of GOD. If you’re going to type ANYTHING, at least make sure it’s spell-and-grammar checked.
(shudders.)
Okay. So all we know is that she got stuck as a cat form, which is somehow related to the fact that she’s stuck in time. Now, this type of thing is all about execution. Being stuck in time has some interesting implications. Since I know nothing about how she RP’d that, I can’t tell you. All I can gather is that there is a VERY convoluted reason that she’s stuck in cat form.
———before the time encasement———
Anna Moonclaw started in Darnassus she then moved on to being a druid in Moonglade. She then trained with many druids into the right path in her life soon she found that fighting in general was both a need and wast of time, she studyed in many forms of knowledge such as languages, battle plans, spells, and many many more (D: Many many more WHAT?) she learned all kinds of differnt tongues such as Ursine, Ravenspeech, Taur-ahe, Troll, Nazja, Draenei, Dwarven, Nerglish, Eredun, Gnomish, Orcish and Goblin in order to be able to talk to other people not linked with common tongues she studyed the art of being a peace keeper type druid. She was enlisted to be a possable Druid to be sent through the darkgate but she went missing soon after.
D: Again. Jesus run-on-sentence christ. Notable flaw here being that she learned about thirty bajillion languages. Let’s not do that. If you’re that talented, you probably aren’t that good at much else because you’re presumably dumping all your time into learning languages.
===After the time encasement===
D: Well, apparently she got out of it. I didn’t know that since NOTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TELL ME THAT YOU IGNORANT F—-“
I’m calm. How did she get out of it? Did she have help? Did the enchantment expire like old milk?
Many months passed as Illidan Stormrage was killed and then the Lich King rised up and then fallen and alass deathwing rampaged the lands destorying more life around the world then any greater evil could this all happend that Anna never knew when she found out that her friends, family, and life was riped apart to nothingness soon she went to depression and even suicidal but all that passed with the help of new friends she soon went back to moonglade and became the peace keeper she trained for as Ambassador of Moonglade were she is sent to aid those who need and form peace to unknowen kinds of tribes with many numbers of out comes anna still trains and learns but alone as she has no teacher or trainner to take her at this time.
D: You really love run-on sentences, doncha?
This is essentially “bonus” material, since it’s one of the finest examples of bad conventions I have ever seen.
Rised up and then fallen.
Anyways.
Basically she loses her shit and then gets it back together (because she just got over her depression magically with the power of friendship) and then became what appears to be a high-ranking official.
EDGINESS AND YOU
Up until this point, I haven’t spoken on “dark” characters.
People like dark characters. Morally gray, careless badasses who just want to see everything play out for their own end.
However, there’s a pretty easy way to do it WRONG. Let’s look at Amontoney, the Death Shade.
—The document is cut off above this point.—
mask or a hood to cover his scar. He rarely shows much emotion, but when he does his smile is quite disarming. He has a subtle, Midnight black goatee and eyebrows, his hair also Midnight black with strands of frosty white along with it. His hair flows down to his back and is very well shaped. Amons eyes are white and glowing very slightly, until he becomes inraged, his gental eyes turn to visciouse red smoking hue.
D: Cool scars, man. They show just how edgy you are. This is not to say that all scars are bad. But scars that aren’t visibly ugly and are just “cool” are generally out of place.
Why do his eyes glow and smoke when he gets mad? Do his eyes heat up and his tears boil as he rages? The real problem here is the color change. What causes it? Why does it work? Does it interfere with his vision?
Amons armor is made of mainly plate and bones. Thin spikey icicles hang from his armor with unholy energy in main spots like on his pauldrons. His guantlet drip of blood rune energy and smoke of Unholy energy.
D: Booooones. Cool. By “cool” i mean “do you have any idea that bones splinter like crazy and would make terrible armor you imbecile?” In addition to COOL SPIKES and COOL GLOWS he’s got DRIPPING BLOOD and SMOKE from his gloves.
You will usually see him around Goldshire. Other areas he stays are secret and forbidon to be told. He will never be seend drinking, and most importaintly, Amon is ALWAYS on his gaurd.”
D: ImporTAINT.
He hangs out with all the other cool edgy kids who murder for pleasure and drink blood out of cocktail glasses in secret locations. Mostly the Dark Shrine of Doom and Despair, probably. He’s always on his guard. You sneak up on this motherf- when he’s sleeping and he grabs your skull and crushes it between his fingers.
Always is a strong modifier like that.
What I want everyone take away from this is that if you're going to be edgy, it's almost always more about personality.
However, it's very easy to do edgy personality wrong. Are they just a dick? Do they tend to make close friends slowly, or not at all? Do they want close friends? Are they going to play people to get what they want, or are they willing to make permanent allies or even help enemies in the name of their goals? What are their goals? Revenge? Lust for money and power? Search for a challenge?
In what ways do they go beyond what is accepted? Do they embrace dark and fell magics? Do they fight dirty, only preying on the weak? Or do they use the law to their advantage, to steal and cheat others without doing something they can be stopped for?
In short, think before you write. It'll save us all a headache.
